An Update To Yesterday's Lesson Post...

If you read yesterday's lesson post, you'll know that I talked a little bit about my mental block, my psychological barrier, which keeps me from doing as well at my lessons, as I do at home when I practice. I brought it up with my teacher and she assured me that it's normal..no one does as well at their lesson, as they can do at home. I thought about this for a week, and decided that even though it's normal, it doesn't have to be. I told her yesterday that I am working on getting past this "block".. that it was cheating me AND her! So today, my husband, Jeff and I were discussing it, and the more we talked about it, the closer we got to what the bottom line is..finally we hit it! The problem is a "lack of confidence in my ability" issue! Yep, that's it! I have sung all my life, in front of audiences and never lacked confidence in my ability, until now. It makes complete sense, though. Learning classical technique is a whole new ball game for me. It's learning a completely different and new way to sing, which I am not yet all that comfortable with...not comfortable with my ability to do it, that is. That however, is because I don't HAVE the ability..YET! I'm learning. What happens is that when I'm at home, I am practicing alone, so I am comfortable with my mistakes and strange sounds, etc.. But then when I go to my lesson, suddenly my confidence level drops because I know, subconsciously, I believe, that the expert (my teacher) is listening and evaluating me. This would make any beginner lose a little confidence. My teacher has been singing, classically, for many years, with tons of training and has an amazing voice...and here I am, a complete novice! I am working on getting past this lack of confidence, however...with time and improvement, it will happen, for sure, but it has to happen sooner than that, because like I said, it's cheating my teacher AND me...and I do not want that. It doesn't do anyone any good. I know that I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me! Thank you, Jesus!

Voice Lesson #12

Well, today would've been much better if I could only do as well at my lesson as I do at home! Aside from tension in the throat, my vowel shapes, my breathing, etc.. all the usual suspects, one of my biggest problems is a mental barrier that prevents me from doing as well at my lesson, as I do at home. Oh boy, is this frustrating! I talked about it a bit with my teacher last week and she told me that it's normal..that everyone is the same way. None of her students do as well at their lesson as they do at home. Well, I listened to her say this all week on my tape, and I began to think, wait a minute, this may be "normal", but it doesn't have to be! I realized that in giving in to this psychological obstacle, I am not only cheating myself, but I am cheating my teacher! She is not privy to what her's and my hard work is really achieving! Not that I am doing great, which is certainly no fault of hers, but I'm doing better than what she hears at my lessons. I don't want either of us to be cheated. I told her all of this today, and said that I am working on breaking past this mental block...it may take a little bit of time, but it's something that I must do! Everything else was about par for the course. I didn't do anything spectacular..no big break through's. However, she gave some new things to try and work on. I'm excited to work on these things, this week. I'm always curious to see if there will be any improvement. Hopefully, at my next lesson, I will be able to show her, a little bit better, what her teaching skills are doing. She has been gifted by God with vast vocal knowledge, an amazing voice, and a true talent and ability to teach. She deserves to hear from me, what's really happening, vocally. I am so blessed by God to be able to do this. Even though there is nothing easy about learning classical voice technique, I love the learning, the practice, making the mistakes and the not so lovely sounds, trying and failing, improving and failing again.. I love all of it! The truth is that even though God has led me to this spot, with these lessons, this teacher, this desire to learn after all these years, He is NOT 'giving" it to me. He is making me work, and work hard, Which I love! I wouldn't want it any other way, actually. The Bible talks about lazy people in many different places. Proverbs 20:4 says..."The lazy man will not plow because of winter; He will beg during harvest and have nothing.". You can't do nothing when things are tough and expect to get what you want in the end. If you aren't willing to work for the goal you desire, you will NEVER get there. As tough as voice is for me now, I can't and won't give up..my desire is to be the best classically trained singer that I can possibly be, for the glory of God..and for that, I must work..and work hard, everyday, which I do! Even when it's frustrating and it seems progress is nowhere to be found..I must forge on! I thank Jesus for putting the desire in my heart and making a perfect way for me to do this..and I thank, as always, my awesome and amazing husband, who I love, who supports me 100%..and my superb teacher for taking on such a challenge, as me! Thank you, Jesus, for it all!

Voice Lesson #8

Today was lesson #8..Monday. My last lesson was last Wednesday, so I only had a few days to practice and it showed! Though I have made some improvements since I began, in May, I am still struggling with all the same issues. Tension in the throat being a major player! I just can't seem to shake it! I am also having trouble keeping my chest voice out of the picture. I guess I'm just having trouble, all the way around, with staying out of my own way. I am still trying to control the sound, which is something I should not be doing. And though I know I shouldn't do it, I can't seem to stop myself from doing it. It's as if parts of me have a mind of their own. Though, trust me, I realize that I am in control of every aspect of my singing, it's just a matter of making my body realize that! Some things were good today, though..I wasn't frustrated with everything. The Passaggio area is still difficult to maneuver but beginning a song last week with a higher tessitura seems to make a bit of a difference with the Passaggio area. Like I said though, I had only a few days of practice between lessons, so maybe next week will be better. My teacher also showed me two new songs that I will begin learning this week..so that will be five songs we're working on. Three of them are basically for the sake of exercise, and the two newest, for the sake of the song. The other thing is that I need to concentrate more on my breath support. With so much to think about, I tend to let my breathing go..which I cannot do...that is NOT an option! I need to learn to just RELAX. I seem to do better when I am practicing at home, but at my lessons, I seem to tense up more. I guess it's a bit of nervousness because I want to do well for my teacher..I want her to see improvement, so.... I tense up and everything comes out worse. But even at home there is tension. I tell myself, "don't do that"..but I do it anyway. I can get frustrated with myself, for sure, but then there are times where I think, hmmmm, that wasn't too bad. It's all just part of learning and practicing, and failing and improving. It's a journey that is difficult for now, but it won't always be. Like my teacher said, sometimes you can stay in the same spot for a long time, and just when you think you will never improve or get passed the difficulty, YOU DO! Just like that, you do! I told her today, that it seems as if these songs we're working on, are standing up to me and challenging me...but I told her, I WILL WIN! I was having difficulty with a particular note, today..an f#..I could hit it better at home, but just couldn't do it today. I told her, "I know I can hit that note...she said, "I know you can hit it, too!". And that is the gist of this entire journey....we both know that I can do it and I WILL..it's just getting there. With Jesus and a brilliant teacher,(who is also a class act) I can't fail! I want to thank her for having so much patience with me! I want to say thank you also, to my awesome husband, Jeff.. without his amazing support and encouragement, none of this would be possible! He listens to me practice everyday and hasn't once asked for earplugs..in fact, he says I sound great! THAT, my friends, is love..and possibly a hearing issue..hehe! I love you, Bup! :)