Voice Lesson #13

So, today I had voice lesson #13! It was good! I mentioned last week that I have a major lack of confidence when singing for my teacher.. on one hand, it's normal to feel not so confident when singing for someone who is so outstanding at it, but on the other hand, I can't let it effect the way I sing because when I do, my teacher does not get an accurate look/listen at what I am really accomplishing. She is getting cheated, and I don't want that. So..I am working very diligently to get over this mental block. It's difficult but I will get there. She makes it easier, too, because she is so very patient and makes me, and I'm sure all of her students, feel comfortable with sharing our vocal inadequacies with her. Now, The Passaggio area is still difficult, especially with exercises that have their notes very close together... Leap exercises tend to be much easier. Tension is also still a factor. It's better when I am practicing at home, but I will improve with time, and lots and lots of PRACTICE!. My teacher told me today that I am definitely getting there..progress is taking place, it just takes time. And believe me, I realize this. She gave me some new things to try at home and since we have two weeks until my next lesson, because of Labor Day, I am looking forward to hopefully showing some improvement by the time I go back. I'm always excited to try the new exercises and techniques she shows me, always confident they will help. Everything takes time, though...and effort. Even the best exercises will not work without practice, and lots of it. If I or anyone else wants to become really great at something, whatever it might be...whether it's Classical Voice, Piano, Guitar, Tennis, Golf, Cooking..whatever it is, you HAVE to work at it, and work hard. My husband does professional Competition BBQ. He's heading into his 4th year. I have watched him fail and be disappointed, time and time again, but he has never given up. Persistence and determination to be the best BBQ cook he can be, has prevailed. He's not a quitter. It's the same with me and Voice. I will not give up. I will not slack. I will continue to go at it head on with determination, discipline, and perseverance. It's the only way to do it. However, there is one thing, that without it, for my husband and I, both, we can do nothing. That one thing is Jesus Christ. He is our Rock, and it's on Him we stand and rely. John 15:5 says that, without Him, we can do nothing. This is the truth, in our lives. Jesus has blessed Jeff with amazing BBQ coaches, who truly care and are incredibly talented and knowledgeable..and He's blessed me with a Classical voice teacher who is amazingly talented and knowledgeable, as well, and who sincerely cares for her students. She is also blessed with an ability to teach that is nothing short of brilliant. These people are all gifted by God and their gifting is a blessing from God to Jeff and I. Wow, how can we not thank Jesus for all of this! All glory to Him! So, to wrap up..today's lesson was good, I have much to work on, and lots of practice in my future! I LOVE IT!

An Update To Yesterday's Lesson Post...

If you read yesterday's lesson post, you'll know that I talked a little bit about my mental block, my psychological barrier, which keeps me from doing as well at my lessons, as I do at home when I practice. I brought it up with my teacher and she assured me that it's normal..no one does as well at their lesson, as they can do at home. I thought about this for a week, and decided that even though it's normal, it doesn't have to be. I told her yesterday that I am working on getting past this "block".. that it was cheating me AND her! So today, my husband, Jeff and I were discussing it, and the more we talked about it, the closer we got to what the bottom line is..finally we hit it! The problem is a "lack of confidence in my ability" issue! Yep, that's it! I have sung all my life, in front of audiences and never lacked confidence in my ability, until now. It makes complete sense, though. Learning classical technique is a whole new ball game for me. It's learning a completely different and new way to sing, which I am not yet all that comfortable with...not comfortable with my ability to do it, that is. That however, is because I don't HAVE the ability..YET! I'm learning. What happens is that when I'm at home, I am practicing alone, so I am comfortable with my mistakes and strange sounds, etc.. But then when I go to my lesson, suddenly my confidence level drops because I know, subconsciously, I believe, that the expert (my teacher) is listening and evaluating me. This would make any beginner lose a little confidence. My teacher has been singing, classically, for many years, with tons of training and has an amazing voice...and here I am, a complete novice! I am working on getting past this lack of confidence, however...with time and improvement, it will happen, for sure, but it has to happen sooner than that, because like I said, it's cheating my teacher AND me...and I do not want that. It doesn't do anyone any good. I know that I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me! Thank you, Jesus!

Voice Lesson #12

Well, today would've been much better if I could only do as well at my lesson as I do at home! Aside from tension in the throat, my vowel shapes, my breathing, etc.. all the usual suspects, one of my biggest problems is a mental barrier that prevents me from doing as well at my lesson, as I do at home. Oh boy, is this frustrating! I talked about it a bit with my teacher last week and she told me that it's normal..that everyone is the same way. None of her students do as well at their lesson as they do at home. Well, I listened to her say this all week on my tape, and I began to think, wait a minute, this may be "normal", but it doesn't have to be! I realized that in giving in to this psychological obstacle, I am not only cheating myself, but I am cheating my teacher! She is not privy to what her's and my hard work is really achieving! Not that I am doing great, which is certainly no fault of hers, but I'm doing better than what she hears at my lessons. I don't want either of us to be cheated. I told her all of this today, and said that I am working on breaking past this mental block...it may take a little bit of time, but it's something that I must do! Everything else was about par for the course. I didn't do anything spectacular..no big break through's. However, she gave some new things to try and work on. I'm excited to work on these things, this week. I'm always curious to see if there will be any improvement. Hopefully, at my next lesson, I will be able to show her, a little bit better, what her teaching skills are doing. She has been gifted by God with vast vocal knowledge, an amazing voice, and a true talent and ability to teach. She deserves to hear from me, what's really happening, vocally. I am so blessed by God to be able to do this. Even though there is nothing easy about learning classical voice technique, I love the learning, the practice, making the mistakes and the not so lovely sounds, trying and failing, improving and failing again.. I love all of it! The truth is that even though God has led me to this spot, with these lessons, this teacher, this desire to learn after all these years, He is NOT 'giving" it to me. He is making me work, and work hard, Which I love! I wouldn't want it any other way, actually. The Bible talks about lazy people in many different places. Proverbs 20:4 says..."The lazy man will not plow because of winter; He will beg during harvest and have nothing.". You can't do nothing when things are tough and expect to get what you want in the end. If you aren't willing to work for the goal you desire, you will NEVER get there. As tough as voice is for me now, I can't and won't give up..my desire is to be the best classically trained singer that I can possibly be, for the glory of God..and for that, I must work..and work hard, everyday, which I do! Even when it's frustrating and it seems progress is nowhere to be found..I must forge on! I thank Jesus for putting the desire in my heart and making a perfect way for me to do this..and I thank, as always, my awesome and amazing husband, who I love, who supports me 100%..and my superb teacher for taking on such a challenge, as me! Thank you, Jesus, for it all!

Voice Lesson #11

So, today was voice lesson #11! Despite a somewhat frustrating beginning to my week of practice, I had a decent lesson..I'd actually say, it was good! Though I didn't do anything perfectly, or even as good as I know I can, the good news is that I KNOW I can do it! It might not be prefect but I am getting there! The Passaggio area still taunts me, but I will beat it, in time. I suppose what is good, is that I can see more clearly what my teacher is looking for in my singing. I may not always be able to do it, and in some cases I haven't done it yet, but I'm more clear on what she wants. This is a good thing! My brain is sort of making sense of things. Today, we were going over some different exercises and songs, and on a few spots, we went over them several times. At one point I said, I KNOW I can do this...as soon as I get home it will work! She totally understood that. I said that I think I sabotage myself to some degree, because when I'm at my lessons I can never seem to do anything as well as I can when I'm at home. She said everyone is like that, including her! She said that all of her students, when they come to lessons, their "ability" drops a level, then add an audience at a recital and it drops two levels. Makes sense to me, though I am working on getting past that, for myself. I want to do everything as well there, as I do it at home. I do think I'm making progress..actually I know I am, though it's still a slow process. I think, however, once everything clicks, look out! hehe! I'm looking forward to practice this week..I'm hoping it'll be good! We also put a couple of the songs we're working on, away till next time. My teacher says that sometimes if you put them away for a bit, they will be easier when you come back...things have a chance to click. So , we'll see what this weeks practice and next weeks lesson holds! Thank you Jesus for a great lesson, an outstanding and talented teacher, and the most amazing husband..you have blessed me so very much!

Voice Lesson #10

I, myself, do not think I could've sounded worse at my lesson, today..though I'm sure, in actuality, I could have. I think a big part of it is that I want so much to do everything correctly at my lesson, that I sabotage myself. However, I am not upset about it, but rather, I am happy...Why? For two reasons.. One, because I know that this past Saturday, when I went over one of my songs, at home, I was amazed at how well I sang it..stunned actually! And two, despite how bad I sounded today, my teacher saw and heard some good in it..Yea! So I KNOW I can sing these songs pretty well..not completely correct, but still pretty darn good, even if it's not when I'm at my lesson.. and also, she pointed out to me that even though I'm still having trouble with certain things, and I don't "sound" like I would like to sound at this point, there are aspects of my singing that have improved since I first began my lessons with her..and she says that is a very good thing! The fact is, we are continually working on my trouble areas, and until I over come them, which I can do with Jesus by my side, I will continue to get frustrated from time to time. It's all ok though, because overall, there is progress being made. She told me last week that just because I don't sing a song with the perfection that I want to sing it right now, doesn't mean that there aren't good things happening in other areas. She is right, and that's why I'm happy about today's lesson..because I KNOW that there are improvements being made, despite my failures. One thing is my mouth shape on certain vowels. I tend to not open my mouth enough on some vowels, when that is the only thing that will increase my volume and allow that particular note, to come out correctly. I have been "trained", for lack of a better word, to use a microphone, which means I never had to work for my volume..but now, I do.. so it means a whole new way of thinking about mouth shape and vowels, among other things. I also keep forgetting to support my breath...Grrrrrr, I frustrate myself with that because classical voice has everything to do with breathing and breath support. Without it, "I'm sunk", as my teacher would say. So still, there are many things to work on and think about, not to mention that singing classically is a very athletic activity!! It takes a great deal of physicality! It is also a tremendous mental game! I know that in time I will "get it", everything will click, my teacher tells me this, too..but I also know that I can do nothing without Jesus. He is the main part of this journey..it started with Him, and He drives it. He has put the teacher and the tools in front of me, to teach and mentor me, but He is the ultimate leader in all of this, without Him I can do nothing. Thank you, Jesus for this path you've put me on and the means, being my husband and my teacher, to become the best singer I can be, for You. See, Jesus knows that without an amazing husband to support me, and a brilliant and patient teacher to teach me and guide me through these uncharted waters, I am truly, SUNK! Thank you, Jesus..you rock!

Voice Lesson #9

I am writing this the day after voice lesson #9. I wanted to listen to the lesson once before commenting on it. It was good! I am definitely making progress! Last week was a very frustrating week for me, as far as practice goes. Sunday was great and Tuesday was good...every other day between lesson #8 and #9 was not very good in my opinion. I was just flat frustrated! I was having a lot of trouble staying in the head voice, because I would continually drop back into the chest voice. I was so frustrated that I found myself fussing at myself! hehe! We worked on this yesterday. If I want to keep in the head voice, I have to stay in the head voice, or at least allow very little chest voice to creep in on those lower notes. It's those bad habits still rearing their heads. Practice..or let's say, correct practice, will take care of that in time. And speaking of chest voice... I'm struggling with the passaggio area still, which again, is that middle voice area.. where the head and chest voice meet. It's a difficult area to manage. I feel as if I have little control of that area. I discussed this with my teacher yesterday, and we worked on this area a bit with repertoire. One song in particular has phrases that give me a lot of difficulty, so she told me to sing that as if I have never heard of head voice.. So I did.. it was a big, controlled chest voice sound. Big chest voice sounds are not a problem for me, but it's when I try to keep that passaggio area in the head voice, allowing even a small amount of chest voice in, that I get in trouble. Again, practice. The other thing is that I was hitting that F# with a good amount of ease, where as last week it was a problem. Yahooooo! I hit it well in my song and also in an exercise. As we were doing the exercise, we kept going up and up, and on the last scale my teacher said, that was the F#! I said, yeah??!! I was surprised because it felt so easy..I felt like I could've kept going! So, all in all, though I'm still having a hard time with staying in the head voice, I am accessing it much more easily and hitting some good notes. I also have to work on correct vowel shapes in the throat and with the tongue...they are still an issue, along with breath support, tension, and alignment. All of the these things are improving, but I still have a long way to go. All of these things have to become habit...they have to be as ingrained in me as much as the bad habits have been and are...and as the bad habits slowly disappear, the good habits will take over! Jesus is an awesome God! He is right there with me through the whole process. He knows I can't do this without Him, and He is very gracious with me! His Word says that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"..Philippians 4:13....this is truth! I am blessed by Him to able to do this at all.. to take lessons, to have a brilliant teacher who cares and is patient, and to have an amazing husband who supports me in this endeavor, no matter what! I am thankful for the blessings and that includes the trials and difficulties, as well as all of the good stuff! Thank you, Jesus, I'm getting there!